Bread and Bread

1. the end of the middle of treatment In a couple of hours, I’ll have my sixth and last (hopefullyforeverknockonwood) chemo session. Before I started, I told people I was thinking of chemo as my four-month vacation from worrying about getting cancer, and it’s pretty much been that. I’ve used that time to work and read and write and do some fun things; also to bitch about people who’ve let me down and stir up small dramas with my family and friends. Because hey, cancer treatment still blows, just not in an anxiety-producing way. I also told people who seemed convinced I’d be more sick than I’ve actually been (knockonwood), “Maybe you’re right. Maybe by the end I’ll be so sick of being sick that I’ll trade it in for good physical health and the return of crippling anxiety.” I’m almost there—it would be nice not to have my feeble exercise routine undermined every three weeks. It would be nice to have hair. And, thanks to Effexor, I’m not totally an anxious mess. I’m just a gi...

If this wood paneling could talk.... If I weren’t so beaten down by travel, teaching prep, family events and my Easter candy hangover (which I have all kinds of “sugar and dairy feed tumors”/“do you really want to be bald AND fat?” self-talk about)…I would tell you all about the amazing video art piece I saw at the Menil Collection in Houston. Untitled (Structures) is the story of the Civil Rights Movement as told by decaying buildings, crazy-ass wallpaper, solemn people in gorgeous Mad Men clothing and movement so slow it seems like a still photo (which is the story of all struggle, come to think of it). It’s about juxtaposition and perspective. It’s so pretty I can easily imagine it getting co-opted by a creative director at Urban Outfitters or something. There’s not a lot of video art that really mesmerizes me, but this is a big exception. But I think there’s a connection (so the brain-science-lovin’ folks on NPR keep telling me) between exhaustion and lack of willpower, so ...