Tuesday, December 13, 2011

this will happen again (or, brooding as prose poem-type thing)

You think you’re over it, and it’s a normal day, and you congratulate yourself for reentering this land. You don’t believe in normal, but you’re back to a place where you can contemplate semantics, and that means something. You watch a baby bat drink formula from the tip of an eye shadow brush. Your to-do list says Christmas cards.

Tonight there will be no choreography of preparation and acceptance, of reprimanding yourself for not being a Nice Person while taking care not to pressure yourself to be a Nice Person. You’re just here for some cake. And then it hits you. When they say like a freight train, what they mean is: It’s not the train’s fault. It never saw you. Or, if it did, it couldn’t stop in time. Stopping wasn’t its job. But then the train moves on and you’re peeling yourself off the tracks, a flattened cartoon, thinking I’m so sick of this until the next train comes along.

7 comments:

Bluebirdblvd said...

Oh, I love your phrase "the choreography of preparation and acceptance." Why does the writing of Xmas cards often signify a summing up of goals even more so than New Year's Eve, the more traditional receptacle for goal-setting and previous year goal-measuring?

On a cathartic note, I'm wondering if this is a good time for you to get a huge package of googly eyes to put on all of your Xmas cards.

Nothing says, "this holiday is odd" like a Hello Kitty Santa Xmas card with three googly eyes (one extra googly in the middle of the forehead) instead of the usual two black dots.

It may not fix the hurt in your heart, but googly eyes are the balm of Gilead when it comes to unthinkable situations, IMHO.

Tracy Lynn said...

Sadly, dude, that's what life is, a train that doesn't take consideration of your needs, and instead hits you in the small of the back on the way to somewhere else.
The upside is that sometimes it hits you with something amazing in addition to painful.
Love you.

Cheryl said...

B: I never actually made it to the Xmas cards section of my to-do list, but now I'm glad, because it's not too late to add googly eyes. Brilliant idea!

TL: Here's hoping a train full of unicorns and chocolate is coming 'round the bend.

Jesi said...

my Thursday (today) is exactly like your Tuesday. except i got hit last night. ha! but one of my co-workers is pissed at me right now because i'm in a bad mood. ugh! can't i be in a bad mood and hide in my corner of the office in peace? what's funny, is my co-workder is the queen of bad moods.

Cheryl said...

Luckily my coworker is pretty cool. :-)

Jesi said...

i just re-read your/this post and i thought, this is a freakin prose poem! and it is! very beautiful!

Cheryl said...

Thanks, Jesi!