Tuesday, January 24, 2012

dragons, snakes and unicorns (ay yi yi)

Yesterday I looked up my Year of the Dragon* horoscope, hoping for something along the lines of “You will get a baby and a book deal, fall even more fabulously in love with your loved one, and for once all of the bulbs in your kitchen light fixture will work at the same time.”

Instead it was more like, “Meh.”

I’m a snake, which is like a junior dragon. According to this horoscope, Dragon is my Happy Star, but “Dragon travels alone, so Dragon is also the Lonely Star to Snake.” Huh? Why is Dragon such a snob, and why does he want me to be lonely?! Two thousand eleven, though full of love, was also plenty lonely. Two thousand twelve is supposed to be about an embarrassment of riches, dammit.

This horoscope (thanks, Cathy Che!) puts a brighter spin on the same info. The first one was sort of like, “Just keep your head down and stay out of trouble,” while this one throws a few exclamation points into the mix. It promises that 2012 will be “an exciting and busy time for you and your partner.” That either means BABY!, or that AK will have a lot of homework.

Both horoscopes agree that I should exercise a lot. I’m cool with that. I took my second aerial fitness class on Saturday and was slightly less sore afterward. I love that trapeze tricks have names like “mermaid,” “mermaid angel” and “unicorn.” It’s a sport that speaks straight to my seven-year-old heart.

Despite the ambiguous nature of my horoscope, and feelings of residual blueness when the rest of the world seems to be charging full speed ahead, I’m determined to make the Year of the Dragon a year of mermaids and unicorns. Once I found a book or a webpage or something that said my “secret sign” was sheep. I haven’t found it since, but it was as much of a revelation as learning that Cancer is my rising sign. Sheep are supposed to see a “flurry of activity” around their careers, and take up snorkeling.

Okay, snorkeling it is. Because it could not possibly just be a bunch of bullshit.

*Water dragon illustration by the incomparable Lee-Roy Lahey.


Tracy Lynn said...

I am supposed to be a sheep as well, and have no idea what that means I should do, since snorkeling is out of the question on account of sharks finding me magically delicious, which I am positive they would, given the opportunity.

Cheryl said...

Oh, they definitely would. I'm fucked too, because I have a fear of drowning. Maybe we can do, like, a tide pool walk.