new zealand travel journal 6/8/14: waterworks

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The saddest selfie ever!
It’s our last full day in NZ. Right now we’re at Huka Falls, a highway-wide river whose white and pale-blue rapids generate fifteen percent of NZ’s power. And I’m the idiot who’s on a park bench journaling and crying because of all the baby stuff, and lack thereof, we have to go back to tomorrow. AK and I talked about it in the hotel a little bit this morning—poor Emily. We talked about AK’s dislike of Zoey and Jim’s tactics and my feeling that my calling in life is to weather heartbreak, and the absurd romanticism of that idea.

The shitty thing about open adoption, and the reason I will never be poly-amorous, is that it’s not enough for two people to be on solid ground, to love each other and to have worked through our shit. Three or four people have to be there at the same time. And it pisses me off, endlessly, that what’s good enough for other people isn’t good enough when I do it.

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