[Note on the skuzzy-rickety nature of carnivals and Blogger: This post was originally composed with much cooler hyperlinks rather than pasted URLs, but Blogger kept cannibalizing my text for some reason. Also watch out for the Ferris wheel, which has a tendency to break while you’re dangling in the top car and have to pee; and the cotton candy—um, it’s best not to ask why.]
Step right up ladies, gentlemen and the rest of you, and behold the finest group of oddities in all of cyberspace. Some of them may look harmless—mundane, even—but don’t be fooled: Dark secrets lurk in their hearts. Bizarre abilities have brought them to the midway. Let me introduce you to a few of the specimens in our collection:
Jenny of Run Jen Run can Houdini her way out of a locked basement in the dead of winter. (Or can she? I don’t want to give anything away. Maybe she found an internet connection down there and is still locked inside, blogging for help!)
Tracy Lynn of Kaply, Inc. worships pirates and human kidneys.
Postmodern Sass of Postmodern Sprachspielen battles chain-letter black magic with pomo skepticism.
Kevin of kapgar.com cannot be trusted with a black marker.
Jamie of Morning River combs the far corners of Westwood for exotic dishes like Chinese chicken salad.
Claire of Taller Than Average Tales can wiggle her nose and make movie theater seats grow.
Liz of Everyday Goddess knows a thing or two about piss and can gorgonize you on top of that.
Leesepea of But Wait! There’s More… can shoot mysterious substances from her eye sockets.
Billy Mernit of Living the Romantic Comedy hoards photos of Osama’s sexy relatives and a whole lot more.
Daisy Mae of Daisy Mae socializes with spotted children and magical hairy dogs.
Mata H of Time’s Fool can turn a green lawn purple.
Hyperion of the Hyperion Institute can push Q-Tips deep into the caverns of his body and call Canada collect.
Maribeth of the Smart Bohemian eats grapefruit with improper utensils and seeks out even bigger freaks.
Wendy Scherer of Finding Blanche showers with gasoline.
MarieMM3 of A Take on The World can wrestle a bat with her bare hands (and a yoga mat).
Kim C. of Life in a shoe baffles pregnant women at buffets.
Muse of me-ander does a headless chicken impression that takes 7,025 steps.
Miriam of Miriam’s Ideas gets all meta-freak and tells tales of her most freakish employees.
Ferdinand, our only feline freak, would kill his owner in his sleep if only he had opposable thumbs.
Josh of Multiple Mentality is the Invisible Man at his high school reunion.
Marsha Hollingsworth of Moshpit Marsha goes clubbing until 9 p.m.!