…than sending work out to agents and publishers is hearing someone else talk/blog about sending her work out to agents and publishers. But I nevertheless have to give myself a little blog-cheer for finally getting off my butt (or at least hoisting myself up to a squatting position) and querying two agents regarding the book I finished back in February.
As I sat on my butt, the manuscript sat on my laptop, gathering cyber-dust. Recently, my writing group listened as I rattled off a somewhat complicated psychological explanation of why I hadn’t been working on my new-ish novel lately. I concluded by adding that I hadn’t yet sent out my finished novel either.
“Do you think it’s for the same reasons?” Terry asked.
“No,” I said, “and I know that the big obvious reason is fear of rejection”—not the reason I wasn’t writing, by the way—“but that’s not it either. I’ve sent out lots of work and gotten lots of rejection, and I know there’s going to be plenty with this book too. It’s just that there’s always something more interesting to do than type out a chapter-by-chapter summary.”
Yep, the impulse that’s preventing me from querying agents is the same one that prevented me from studying for science tests in high school, and from going jogging on Sunday. “Ooh, I’m a procrastinator. I am sooo creative and complex!”
Most things are not as bad as you think they’re going to be, just like most things are not as great as you think they’re going to be. I did go jogging this morning, partly because I’d taken a personal day to get off my aforementioned butt, and it was a great way to buy myself 40 more minutes of non-submitting time. (This strategy was what got me writing fiction in the first place in college, because while writing a short story wasn’t always as appealing as watching a Real World marathon, it was usually more interesting than studying for a Shakespeare final.)
One perk of getting older is that I’m onto my own tricks. I know what will make me jog: postponing sending my Big Fat Lesbian Novel into the world. I know what will (I really, really hope) make me nudge my Big Fat Lesbian Novel into the world: blogging about it so that my seven blogiverse friends will hold me accountable. Because how embarrassing would that be, to blog about something as boring and business-y as trying to find an agent, and then not even try to find an agent?
I’m now going to back slowly away from this entry before I lose any more interest in myself.