fetus cheese, jr. would be the worst name of all

I missed my chance to participate in a very cool blog fundraiser for RAINN last week, but luckily it’s not too late to raise a dollar for Tracy of Kaply, Inc. All I have to do is fill out this meme by Grant of Discombobulatingrant.

1. Describe yourself without the use of any vowels (treat “y” as a vowel).

__l_p_-rsstnt.

2. Write a short paragraph about a truly horrifying encounter you once had using the word “sippy-cup.”

When I was a very small child, I was not known for being generous or having a good understanding of pronouns (not that I’m known for these things as an adult either). When my parents handed me a toy or a piece of food, they would say, “Here, Cheryl, this is yours.” I would take it and repeat, “Yours.” So when it came time to fight for what was mine in various playgroups, I would grab stuff out of other kids’ hands and yell, “Yours! Yours!” They were confused. But not as confused as I was when my parents decided to show slides of their charming toddler to visiting friends (let this be a cautionary tale about slide shows). Suddenly, projected as high as our family room ceiling, was a giant little girl with curly hair, footy pajamas and my favorite yellow monkey sippy-cup. She had somehow stolen it and enlarged it! I ran to the wall and grabbed at the big flat girl’s big flat cup, screaming, “Yours! Yours!” Needless to say, things did not improve on the generosity/confusion front when, a year later, my sister arrived.

3. Which of the following is the worst baby name: Monkey Winkle, Fetus Cheese or Swaberpoo Deliciousness? Discuss.

Fetus Cheese. Besides winning points for bad mental imagery, children should not be saddled with the burdens of the past. In the same way that I’m not into naming kids So-and-so, Jr. because what if they don’t want to be anything like So-and-so, Sr., I also think they should not be reminded of their own previous existences as fetuses. What happens in the womb should stay in the womb. Except for, you know, the baby.

4. Complete the following word association: cookie, ladder, penis, regret….

Emergency room.

5. You move your weasel to sun level three. Your opponent counters with whimsy to caveworm seven. What is the best counter move?

Tell the AV Club that you have to go home to chat with some hot babes online?