Thursday, March 26, 2009

what chicken* wants

According to my McDonald’s place mat**:

“Chicken is so rich with potential. It’s ready to be elevated into tender sliced chicken breast. It longs to be premium all-white meat chicken. It wants to be crispy or grilled chicken breast that’s laid across a honey wheat roll or an incredible hand-tossed salad. Chicken doesn’t want to be ordinary, it wants to be juicy, tender, premium chicken. That’s why the best chicken, Tyson chicken, goes to McDonald’s so that you can have a tender moment…with chicken.”

*“Chicken” is not to be confused with “chickens.” “Chicken” is apparently a conceptual yet sentient substance that wants nothing more than to be your mealtime bitch. “Chickens” are birds that, while not known for their intelligence, probably do not have this desire.

**Interestingly, the Spanish version said, “Se
puede convertir…. Puede ser crujiente….” If my high school Spanish serves me correctly, that means “Chicken can be…” not “Chicken wants…” Is it a translation thing, or is the Spanish-speaking world less deluded about its meat?

3 comments:

Don Cummings said...

It's like cow and beef.
Or something.

I don't know. Poor chickens.

I must confess, I eat them all the time. I wish I didn't...but not really enough, or else I'd stop.

It's sad.

Tracy Lynn said...

I hate chickens. They are stupid. OK, I don't really HATE them, I am just dismissive of them and condescending to them.

Oh yeah, you totally read that right.

My niece, when a vegetarian, would often mourn the fact that she wouldn't eat fish because she liked fish as beings but would totally kill and eat a chicken because she didn't like them at all. Weird kid.

Cheryl said...

DC: Hey, tender and crispy are pretty hard to resist.

TL: My mom's cousin has a similar philosophy. She doesn't eat beef, but she used to raise chickens and she said, "They're mean and nasty and would peck each other's eyes out, so I don't see why I should be nicer to them than they are to each other." Ultimately I admire anyone who owns what they do.