where's a duck bill when you need one?

Okay, so the scary clown has not yet begun to shoot blood from his eyeballs as I had hoped, but he is now tied—by the neck—to the lamppost with what looks like a periwinkle unitard. In the interest of better clown posture, I guess.

I’ll probably stop by that store today to see if I can find a cheap, minimal, last-minute costume. The other day AK described the following conversation with her coworker, and I could relate:

AK: I’m trying to come up with a cheap, minimal, last-minute Halloween costume.

Coworker: Alright, let’s think about what we have to work with. What do you have in the costume section of your closet?

AK: [Blank stare.]

Coworker: You know, your old clothes and stuff. What do you do with your old clothes?

AK: I give them away.

Coworker: [Shaking head.] Before you give anything away, you should always ask yourself, “Could I use this as part of a costume?”

This morning I checked the shelves above my closet to see if maybe I had a costume section I’d forgotten about. I distinctly remembered buying a duck bill, devil horns and orange plastic platform shoes in the past (the latter weren’t originally part of a costume, I’m afraid), but they were nowhere to be found. Curse my periodic attempts to pare down my life to just-the-necessities! This time, when I go next door and buy a new costume, I’ll make a mental note that giant lobster claws are absolutely a necessity.