“I’m going to ask you something, and I don’t want you to think I’m making fun of you.” Tiffaney was addressing the entire
She proceeded to perform the first four counts of our routine like a cheerleader. Instead of thrusting her arms and legs forward in the slouchy, angry postures of hip-hop, she jabbed at perfect angles, kept her back straight and marched like the Rose Parade was following closely behind.
I could see her point, but I also had some questions I did not pose to Tiffaney-with-an-E-Y, competitor on TLC’s new reality show Master of Dance:
1) Okay, Tiffaney, we know you can do it right. You have enough formal dance training that you know that different types of dance live in different parts of your body, the way that different languages center themselves in different parts of your mouth. You have a perfectly flat stomach and you can krump like you don’t live in Venice…but what would a bunch of guys in “South Central” think if you walked up to them and did tonight’s routine, correctly or incorrectly?
2) Because would you go up to a bunch of guys in South Central?
3) Which people are calling
4) Or “
5) How many dance studios do you think there are on
6) Because even though I believe authenticity became an archaic concept around the time some people crossed a land bridge from Asia to the
7) Is the Master of Dance just the person who grabbed the most moves from the most cultures and looked the blondest and skinniest doing them?
8) And finally, what was that move after we go down on eight? The one with the shoulders? Because I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong.