Wednesday, March 10, 2010

nothing is certain except details and taxes

In my perpetual attempt to Be A Good Citizen, I did my taxes today. And by “did my taxes,” I mean, “sat in the waiting room reading Details Magazine and watching CNN while Erick Caro, licensed tax preparer, did my taxes.”

The top story of the day was a 33-year-old female teacher* who had sex with one of her male students. The newscaster shook his head and talked about how speechless he was. Then he read emails from insightful viewers who said things like, “What is the world coming to? Can we even send our kids to school anymore?”

And not to discount the teacher’s seriously bad behavior, but I kind of thought the world was coming to the exact same place it’s always been. Judging by the incredibly bored looks on the faces of my fellow Good Citizens in the waiting room, they agreed. I can think of at least two girls from my high school who (allegedly) slept with teachers. Teachers: bad. Students: victims, but probably not innocent ones. Sixteen-year-olds aren’t eight-year-olds, you know?

Here’s what else I learned, from Details:

  • A small-town Oregon mayor named Stu got breast implants and wears lipstic, but everyone’s cool with it.
  • Some guy is living off the grid in a cave in Utah. Not participating in capitalism makes you stinky.
  • Hayden Panetierre is hot. And I don’t say that in a 33-year-old teacher kind of way. I just mean that Details makes it very, very clear that, if you consider yourself a red-blooded American male, you do not have the option of thinking otherwise.


*Okay, I wrote this whole post thinking the kid was in high school. It turns out he was a 14-year-old middle schooler. Even though Juliette was 14, I'm willing to side a little more with the whats-the-world-coming-to camp. But whatever. I'm still hitting publish post.

7 comments:

Claire said...

"red-blooded" is such an odd phrase. I mean, what other color would it be? We're not Vulcans. Wonder where it comes from but not quite enough to google it.

Considering the tales I hear 3rd-hand re: my cousin's daughter and not-officially-step daughter, both 15 now I think, both with or had 18-20 year old boyfriends, I'm unfazed. Sure the age diff is less, but they are serious jailbait all the same. Pretty sure both had bfs that age when they were 14 too. WTH, y'know?

Also worked on a short film when I was in LA years ago with precisely the story you describe. Boy was maybe 14, maybe 12? Don't recall. Kind of creepy in person even though fiction.

Cheryl said...

I watched Crazy Heart and was creeped out by the age difference even though Maggie G. is in her thirties, and even though I ALMOST bought that her character was fucked up enough in her attitude toward men so as to go for a 65-year-old alcoholic mess. There's someone for everyone, right?

Peter Varvel said...

I remember which male teachers I would have allowed to, um, take advantage of me when I was 14. It's a good thing I was too naíve to understand how to initiate that.
I would like to see a photo of Stu.

Cheryl said...

And hopefully none of your teachers would have taken you up on the offer. But maybe if you lived in Burbank....

Here's the article about Stu: http://www.details.com/culture-trends/news-and-politics/200904/stu-rasmussen-is-the-first-transgender-mayor-of-america.

Peter Varvel said...

Cool! Thanks.

deetles said...

The line between teacher/student is a bit more blurry when the teacher is in their 20's and fresh out of college. A professional distance can be harder to establish but still necessary. By the time a teacher is in their 30's, there's no excuse for seeing a student in a sexual way. Whenever I've had the sense of a student getting a bit too "friendly", I like to tell them that they could be my child had I been a teen mom (I'm almost 32 now, started teaching when I was 25). The teen mom line seems to work, they get grosed out for some reason.

Love your blog Cheryl, I stop by when I want to smile!

-Dara

CC said...

Dara! I didn't know you lurked here. What're you doing, hiding behind that hip printed cloth?