Wednesday, December 10, 2008

a day without a gay is like a cookie without baking soda

I’m at home today because it’s A Day Without A Gay. Not that my workplace is remotely anti-gay (it’s the kind of organization where the boss sends a “Happy Indigenous People’s Day” email every Columbus Day), but I guess the point is to prove how valuable queers are to the economy. We’re not buying anything, and we’re not, in my case, doing any literary outreach. Take that!

So, like the militant dyke that I am, I’m at home baking cookies.

I’m using Jamie’s recipe for ginger cookies, except, as with all my cooking adventures, there have been some substitutions.

I went to Trader Joe’s last night for the ingredients, but they didn’t have molasses, and I refused to swing by Fresh and Easy today to get some because I’m not going to Contribute To The Economy (with the possible exception of one little latte if I decide to write later today). Also because I’m lazy.

I soon discovered that I didn’t have baking soda either. There must be some kind of Murphy’s Law that says you will inevitably re-buy certain baking ingredients every year until you have 16 open boxes of powdered sugar, but you will forget the one thing you’re actually out of.

This probably doesn’t happen to people who bake more than once a year, or who, like, look in their cupboards before going shopping, but whatever.

I ended up substituting chocolate syrup for molasses because what isn’t improved by being more chocolaty? And I substituted baking powder for baking soda, even though I can almost hear the voice of Mrs. Wolf, my seventh grade home ec teacher, saying, “BAKING SODA IS NOT THE SAME AS BAKING POWDER.”

But I didn’t pay that much attention in home ec because I was 1) disappointed that I got the cooking semester instead of the sewing semester, 2) suspicious of Mrs. Wolf because she wanted us to put mandarin oranges in salads and bizarrely devoted an entire unit to talking about skin cancer, which didn’t seem to relate to cooking or sewing, and 3) I was holding out for wood shop, where I knew we would get to make one of the plastic key chains I had seen dangling from the JanSport backpacks of so many cool eighth graders.

The cookies just finished baking. They look normal, and the giant globs of dough I ate tasted great, actually, but the verdict is still out. When AK wakes up (she’s asleep because she actually is sick today, although she’ll probably go in for a half day—“Are you trying to tell me you’re really bi?” I asked), I’ll let her have the final say.


Jamie Asaye FitzGerald said...

Luckily, there's no vinegar in that recipe, otherwise you'd have volcanic chocolate ginger cookies.

Anonymous said...

your posts always make me feel better. wish i could have a cookie.

Peter Varvel said...

LOL @ the mock question for AK!
Let us know if you've discovered a terrific new cookie, and then share the recipe in a future post!

Anonymous said...

I didn't call in gay, but I did develop severe back pain during the day and spent almost two hours of my afternoon lying on my back on the floor of my office, sometimes crying a little. Finally my coworkers ordered me to go home, where I made some hot chocolate and then lay on my back on my own floor for another two hours, somtimes crying a little. Only now does it cross my mind that god was punishing me for abandoning the cause.

Tracy Lynn said...

I didn't call in gay. But I do LOVE the GAYS, does that count?

Cheryl said...

J: That sounds like an awesome dessert, actually.

C: No, no you don't. The first batch turned out weird tasting (AK says it's the baking powder, but I think it was because I greased the cookie sheet with Crisco, which is pure trans fat and shouldn't even be manufactured anymore). The second batch was even worse: It melted into one giant cookie. I still don't know what happened.

PV: Well, the cookies are terrific, but only when made by Jamie.

M: Yes, that must be it. I hope God forgives you by Saturday! (P.S. I will not be bringing cookies, as I had originally hoped.)

TL: It counts, but I hereby command you to take it easy in solidarity with us.

Laura and the family said...

I did not call "Gay" either. I decided to stay home and use for my mental health day-- and catch up errands.

Baking cookies sound yummy! Wonder what kind of a grade you would get for cooking if Mrs. Wolf is around???

I guess I will have do the baking cookies because I am also passing out the meal for teacher's treats (Spaghetti pizza, apple cider from slow cooking, bread, salad and even cookies) to make full meals! That's my other reason of staying home without kids or a husband. :-)

Misty Harris said...

I am sure Hollywood can last a full day, with some pains... But what will the Republican party do without its closet cases? Fox News is likely falling apart as I write this!

Thanks for letting us know about this holiday. I had no idea and would have loved to have called in sick out of solidarity :)

Cheryl said...

L: Spaghetti pizza sounds like my kind of food.

MH: Welcome back! I miss Popcultini!

Misty Harris said...

I miss it, too! Long story...

Maybe one day it will be back, but for now, I am back to being a mere voyeur in the blogosphere. Always love your posts.